Before we moved last year, we met with our fertility doctors about using one of our frozen embryos late last year. When i called to start everything last October, I found out that LSU was revamping their program and I wouldn't be able to get in for a transfer in December. So we decided to transfer them out here to us. So as of now, our other 3 babies are here in Augusta with us! I had hoped to start the process in December, but timing wasn't right and all happened while they were off for Christmas. I was bummed because I knew with my body that it could be another 2 months before I was ready again. January came and God had another plan. I started and we started treatment. Several months of ups and downs and medicine and money and come late March we decided to take a break. After several planned transfers not going through, I couldn't physically or emotionally take any more at the time. We knew we had a busy summer and you must commit to this process. You are at the doctor several times during each week. So we talked and decided come September we would begin again. I was happy because we had a plan again.
Come May, I had a funny feeling that I may possibly be pregnant. I was late again (which to me was no surprise) but just felt funny. I decided to take a test and sure enough it was positive. I called a friend to check it out too just to make sure. I kept to myself for a few days and finally broke down and told Mark. It was another special Mother's Day gift! How could it be? How did this happen? I felt so undeserving, but was elated! We wanted to wait to share until we heard a heartbeat and knew all was well. We went June 3 and there it was. A sweet baby with a strong heart. The boys went with us. I was further along that what he/she was measuring, so they moved my date back a few weeks. I visited with high risk the 24th and all looked great too! We announced at the beach when we saw my family for the first time in a few months. I had more sickness with this one than I had with either boy. I was tired. And I wanted salt! I went for a check up on 9th and saw the baby again. After leaving, I began cramping and feeling funny. I went back in that Friday to reassure myself. Saturday night, I began bleeding and we went to the hospital. I again saw the baby and that was the last time until I had the miscarriage. It was tough to bleed all week long and try to stay strong. I kept hoping it was blood clots or something crazy, but Friday morning I knew. We saw our sweet baby and don't know why it ended this way. I am so thankful Mark had not left for work and was there for me. I had a peace and never asked God why he took this child from me. I know there was a reason. And I know that I will see him/her again when I get to heaven. I have tried to stay strong. But telling Bently that the baby had gone to heaven was not easy. His question was how did it get from my stomach to Jesus. I replied with I am going to the doctor Monday and he will take it from me there.
Luckily my Mom has come to stay. It's helped having her here keeping my mind off of things. She left to take them to a movie a little while ago and I fell to pieces being here by myself. I know that girls go through this all the time, but I have a whole different level of appreciation for them now.
The good that has come from this. I know God is faithful and we will have a baby in our arms again one day. I love that his brother named him and that we had not found out yet, so that name remains. I love that I had a great ultrasound picture of him. I'm thankful that I had not bought one thing, so I have nothing to save or take back. We have amazing friends here. They have called, checked in while I was in hospital, and brought food. God has once again put us in a place that we needed to be.
I hope this wasn't too graphic for anyone, but I needed to get off of my shoulders! Love to all and we appreciate your prayers.
 |
| Only bump picture taken the Friday before I lost him. |
 |
| Baby Shrub Brown! |
No comments:
Post a Comment